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#1 Oct 11 2007 at 8:49 AM Rating: Good
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Terrorists may be targeting GUMBALL MACHINES!

FUCKING PANIC IN THE STREETS PEOPLE! FUCKING CHAOS IS GOING TO ERUPT! WE ARE DONE FOR! WITHIN IN ONE WEEK THE USA AS WE KNOW IT WILL BE EVER CHANGED!1!!1!1 SAY FAREWELL TO YOUR LOVED ONES, THIS IS ARMAGGEDON!!111!

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Fear that terrorists could poison children has led three Dover aldermen to begin inspecting gumball machines.

They've surveyed 103 machines in the Morris County town and expect to report their results on New Year's Day.

Aldermen Frank Poolas, Jack Delaney and Michael Picciallo have found 100 unlicensed machines filled with gumballs, jawbreakers and other candies. The three feel they're ripe for terrorists to lace with poisoned products.

Police Chief Harold "Butch" Valentine tells The Star-Ledger of Newark the odds are a person would win the lottery before terrorists would use the machines to launch an attack.

Delaney says their goal is to create a registration process to find out where the candy is coming from.


Spread the word folks! Fear! Ahhhhh! Gumballs are no longer safe!






Smiley: banghead come the fuck on. Seriously. Can we stop being afraid of our shadows please.
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#2 Oct 11 2007 at 8:50 AM Rating: Decent
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Smiley: disappointed Jesus christ, get a clue... terrorists are not lurking behind everything about to raep you.
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#3 Oct 11 2007 at 8:50 AM Rating: Decent
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...god this is becoming wierder and wierder. The worst is that you might just have given them the idea of doing it if they really wanted to kill people or something.
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#4 Oct 11 2007 at 8:51 AM Rating: Good
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Next national emergency: Terrorists are targeting your mother.
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#5 Oct 11 2007 at 8:53 AM Rating: Good
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Sigh, gotta love society. The Terrorists are everywhere and out to get us!!!!

Sometimes I wonder how people even leave the house.
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#6 Oct 11 2007 at 8:53 AM Rating: Good
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expect to report their results on New Year's Day.


Wouldn't April 1st be more fitting than January 1st?
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#7 Oct 11 2007 at 8:55 AM Rating: Excellent
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"Hey, we think your gum might be poisoned. We'll let you know in a couple months. So... umm... I dunno. Chew less gum until then, I guess. Or at least let us know if it was poisoned."
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Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
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#8 Oct 11 2007 at 8:56 AM Rating: Decent
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There are far to many people in this world so I hope and pray to Allah that this is true.
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#9 Oct 11 2007 at 8:58 AM Rating: Good
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OK, I just booked my Wife and our families on a Plane to the Caribbean. Hopefully it will far enough away from the terrorists, I will of course be avoiding Gumball machines down there as well.

I wish you all the best of luck, please be safe and I hope you get out of this alive. Also keep an eye on those mechanical horses out in front of Supermarkets. I just heard some might be laced with explosives.

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#10 Oct 11 2007 at 9:01 AM Rating: Decent
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Health activists get a bright idea

THIS JUST IN: SALTY FOODS MAY BE POISONED... BY TERRORISTS!!!!!!!
In a stunning report tuesday, randomactivistidiot said that salty and unhealthy foods may be poisoned. Quote "We have reason to believe all unhealthy foods may have been poisoned by terrorists. We recommend that you stay away from all junky foods until our study is completed, sometime next decade..."
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#11 Oct 11 2007 at 9:02 AM Rating: Good
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His Excellency Soracloud wrote:
OK, I just booked my Wife and our families on a Plane to the Caribbean. Hopefully it will far enough away from the terrorists, I will of course be avoiding Gumball machines down there as well.


I'd suggest a boat rather than a plane. As far as I know no ones targeted boats. Well except the pirates.
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#12 Oct 11 2007 at 9:02 AM Rating: Excellent
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It's the frigging cold war all over again. We just couldn't live without it.
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#13 Oct 11 2007 at 9:04 AM Rating: Decent
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Darkdoom wrote:
Smiley: disappointed Jesus christ, get a clue... terrorists are not lurking behind everything about to raep you.
No, but the pedos are. I imagine at least one of them said "F*ck they're onto me!" after reading that. Smiley: lol

When you think about it, a plan like that would actually be quite disturbingly genius.
Pedofile terrorists - inserting tracking devices and other things into your kids, one gumball at a time.
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#14 Oct 11 2007 at 9:04 AM Rating: Excellent
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Samira wrote:
It's the frigging cold war all over again. We just couldn't live without it.


If I hear the gum raid sirens, should I get under my desk? Smiley: confused
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#15 Oct 11 2007 at 9:06 AM Rating: Decent
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I Three thoughts:
1) Smiley: lol
2) At least it wasn't Boston again
3) The deeper we get into this paranoid way of life, the more we're letting them win.
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#16 Oct 11 2007 at 9:06 AM Rating: Decent
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jklotros wrote:
Darkdoom wrote:
Smiley: disappointed Jesus christ, get a clue... terrorists are not lurking behind everything about to raep you.
No, but the pedos are. I imagine at least one of them said "F*ck they're onto me!" after reading that. Smiley: lol

When you think about it, a plan like that would actually be quite disturbingly genius.
Pedofile terrorists - inserting tracking devices and other things into your kids, one gumball at a time.


I know I shouldn't laugh at this but.... bah Smiley: lolSmiley: laughSmiley: lol
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#17 Oct 11 2007 at 9:18 AM Rating: Excellent
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I had to do it....


Screenshot
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#18 Oct 11 2007 at 9:19 AM Rating: Good
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His Excellency Soracloud wrote:
I had to do it....


SORA WILL PHOTOSHOOP US TO DEATH!
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#19 Oct 11 2007 at 9:24 AM Rating: Decent
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Darkdoom wrote:
Health activists get a bright idea

THIS JUST IN: SALTY FOODS MAY BE POISONED... BY TERRORISTS!!!!!!!
In a stunning report tuesday, randomactivistidiot said that salty and unhealthy foods may be poisoned. Quote "We have reason to believe all unhealthy foods may have been poisoned by terrorists. We recommend that you stay away from all junky foods until our study is completed, sometime next decade..."
That would be the most brillant idea ever. Image the fat in USA dropping so fast. That would be PERFECT.
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#20 Oct 11 2007 at 9:25 AM Rating: Decent
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I was looking for a cartoon picture of willy wonka to photoshop to look like Osama, but I stumbled upon something words can't describe...
Screenshot

I WAS RIGHT! OH SHII~
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#21 Oct 11 2007 at 9:27 AM Rating: Decent
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jklotros wrote:
I was looking for a cartoon picture of willy wonka to photoshop to look like Osama, but I stumbled upon something words can't describe...
Screenshot

I WAS RIGHT! OH SHII~


That must be his idea of heaven.
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#22 Oct 11 2007 at 9:35 AM Rating: Decent
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Daboder da Basher wrote:
That must be his idea of heaven.
Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory: The only place on earth that molests children more often than the neverland ranch.

It would seem the 2 evils have joined forces to form a new axis of terr.


On an unrelated note, are runts a homosexual candy? I'm just curious.
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#23 Oct 11 2007 at 9:47 AM Rating: Decent
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looks like the terrorists are winning after all.
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#24 Oct 11 2007 at 9:59 AM Rating: Good
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When you look up "LULZ" in the dictionary, it has this picture:
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#25 Oct 11 2007 at 4:13 PM Rating: Decent
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jklotros wrote:
On an unrelated note, are runts a homosexual candy? I'm just curious.


Yes, now give them to me :) Ikkian can have the Bananas.
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